Hi Everyone!

I need to start learning about how to attach with our boy when we bring him home next year.  What books would you recommend as being “must reads”?

Thanks!

Melissa

What a great question, Melissa!  Barbra is the KTM librarian, but I can get you started with a few suggestions.  I read The Connected Child: Bringing Hope and Healing to Your Adoptive Family by Karyn Purvis and Attaching in Adoption: Practical Tools for Todays Parents by Deborah Gray.  I really liked them both.  I would say that The Connected Child is a MUST read.  I love that is practical and so full of hope even for those children who struggle to connect.  The nice thing about Attaching in Adoption is that it gives you lists of benchmarks in attachment that you can watch for as your little boy progresses through the bonding process.  I would be happy to lend both of these to you.

There are also two resources that I didn’t have, but wish that I did.  They are Toddler Adoption: The Weavers Craft and Taming The Tiger While It’s still a Kitten.  These are particularly applicable to you since your little guy will be a toddler when he comes home.  Taming The Tiger While It’s Still a Kitten is a booklet with a couple of CD’s, I think.  I read through an article that I think was just a portion of it that I thought was really good.  The purpose of the program is to equip adoptive parents of Toddlers who are at risk for attachment issues due to early seperation or Trauma.  I know people who have used it, and they say that they found it applicable with their older children as well. 

It is so exciting to be thinking about the bonding process.  This is where the time involved in the paper chase is actually helpful.  You will have a lot more time to read now, then when your little one comes home.

I know we have some other adoptive families here at KTM.  Please feel free to chime in with other resources or your experience with any of the ones already mentioned. 

Jen

As far as books go, I am also a big fan of The Connected Child.  There are videos by the author at Empowered to Connect (online).I also like Attaching in Adoption and Adoption Parenting (short article style book). 
Again, I am happy to loan these out. 

There are some good baby/toddler articles on http://www.a4everfamily.org/
That site is really, really good, and I think I forgot it on my adoption resource links under the adoption Q and A’s. It has very specific lists of activities to do.

I do have Taming the Tiger while it is Still a Kitten that Jen mentioned.  I am happy to loan it out.  It is an intense program.  I did not do it, but I think it would be good to do. 

For older kids and for a child who has been with a family for a little while, I really like I Love You Rituals.  These are just fun games, finger plays and activities that encourage attachment.  A beginning understanding of English helps make these games more fun. 

For tougher situations, there are more books and resources out there, but I really think The Connected Child and this site http://www.a4everfamily.org/ are a good start.  The one Jen mentioned The Weaver’s Craft is a real classic when it comes to toddler adoption.  It has been a long time since I have read it, though. 

Maybe someone has read it more recently and could do a review for us. 

Barbra

http://www.a4everfamily.org/index.php?option=com_content&task=view&id=95&Itemid=75

This should be the link to the attachment activity list for babies and toddlers. 

I know we have members who have done this recently. I bet they have stuff to add that worked for them.

Barbra