In June (2008), my sister Barbra (adoptive mom and orphan advocate) sent me a link to an adoption forum where a new list of children waiting in Ethiopia was being discussed. I sent an e-mail requesting permission to see the children. I don’t even remember my thought process now. I know, though, that I was compelled to do it outside of any real thoughts about our adopting. I mean, we had tried before and it just didn’t seem to work out for us. I looked through the list. Each child as beautiful and precious and worth loving forever as the next, but then a little pair came up that rocked me to my very soul. I am not being dramatic…my thought was “there they are!” Uhm…who is “they”?! I assure you this was not about a pair of darling faces (though they are darling). I had just scrolled through several listings, any of which would melt your heart. It was about being stirred! I showed my practical half…the one that regularly saves me from myself. He was interested, but thoughtful and hesitant. After all…we weren’t adopting.
Funny how things change. As I mentioned, Jim and I were just starting to enjoy going out again and having energy left over for ourselves as our kids grew older…very, very nice. But there was a problem…a constant and growing awareness about preventable sickness, children without protection, starvation, a world so unlike ours that it was hard to accept its reality. Jim went to the Cornerstone Music Festival with our boys over the 4th of July weekend. He called me from one of the seminars. The title I remember had something to do with social justice and BIG changes needed in the area of being the hands and feet of Christ. Jim came home with a deep desire to seek out Jesus’ views on social justice. I had spent the last few years in fairly deep Bible Study and had a desire to know Jesus in new ways that would take me far, far from a “going-through-the-motions” style of religion. Suddenly it was all around us. We read Irresitible Revolution-Living as an Ordinary Radical by Shane Claiborne, Fields of the Fatherless by Tom Davis, and later Red Letters-Living a Faith that Bleeds by Tom Davis, Make Poverty Personal by Ash Barker, and Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren. How could we have missed what should be a central purpose in our lives? Of course we knew it. We knew we were supposed to love our neighbor, help the poor…whatever. No look again…WE WERE SUPPOSED TO HELP THE POOR, LOVE THEM AS WE LOVE OURSELVES, SEE THEM AS FAMILY, GOOD GRACIOUS…SEE THEM AS OUR LORD JESUS CHRIST, DO FOR THEM LIKE WE WOULD DO FOR HIM. OK, now we were getting it.
Jim and I went out to one of our favorite date spots in Downtown Champaign. Sometimes a girl has to have some sweet potato fries! We were sitting at a booth at “Seven Saints” discussing what we were learning. We had been reading about the huge number of “child headed households” in Ethiopia, Swaziland, and Uganda, as well as many other places in Africa due to the hiv/AIDS crisis. At the same moment we were struck speechless and tearful with the picture of Zeke (our responsible oldest child) trying desperately to keep Charlie and Anna fed and safe. He would be devastated by the weight of it. WOW! Kind of ruins a good meal.
This whole time I had this picture in my head and on my computer of that one little pair. I also had this desire in my heart. It went something like this. “Lord, I know that I can do for the “Least of These” by giving. I can give until it is uncomfortable. We are set on changing our life style to do that. We can even go and work in the “Fields of the Fatherless”. Maybe it is selfish Lord, but I want to look into the eyes of a little one (or pair of little ones) and see you Jesus, I want to be the one to rock them to sleep, I want to zip up their little coats against the cold, and fill their tummy’s when they are hungry, I want to be there when they cry in the night, or when they grieve the loss of their first family. I want to be the one!
Within a couple of days of our moment at “Seven Saints” my sweet, amazing, husband and I were sitting on the couch after the children were in bed and he very matter of factly said, ” I think we should adopt, but I think we should adopt just one. A little girl around Anna’s age.” Hot Dog! I tried to keep my heart from bursting from my chest as I said, “Uh, do you know that you just said that we could adopt!!!” By this time we knew we would adopt from Ethiopia. Our hearts were drawn to its beautiful people and we would be so proud to have a connection to such a lovely culture, and the food is fantastic. Many of you know, I am all about the food! We looked over the financial information for one (wow… a lot, but Jim felt like he knew where it would come from…though many who start this know only that the Lord will provide.). We settled on the agency that my little pair was with just because after talking to several they just felt right, and then we began our homestudy. This was August.
The homestudy moved along, and I continued to think of our little pair. I had the financial agreement for two and on the advice of everyone we had our homestudy made for two because you always should go for more just in case. Amazingly, while I prayed about it a lot, I really felt at peace about the whole thing. I remember distinctly driving to Walmart one day. They were on my heart and I started formulating a plan for mentioning them to Jim. I thought since they were still on my heart maybe we (I mean Jim) were missing something, and here’s the truth of it…maybe the Creator of the Universe needed me to get this done. I had one of those rare moments where the Spirit speaks so directly and instantly to your spirit that you just have to laugh. The flavor was, “If I need to communicate something to that man’s heart, don’t you think I can and will.” It was good because I think He was laughing too. Ten-four! I gotcha!
By the end of September we were waiting on paper work, but were largely past the homestudy. We were waiting on a new list of waiting kids wondering if our daughter would be on it, but it took a lot longer than we thought for it to come out. One Sunday morning Jim told me that we needed to stay home from church so that he could have some extended prayer time. A few days before he had asked me for the financials on two children so I kind of knew what this was about. I also knew that the financial obligation required by our agency for the care and process of two children was a STRETCH for us. This is not an easy thing for my very fiscally responsible, head of the household to surrender. He came in after a few hours praying out behind the shed, surrounded by fields, and asked who we needed to contact to let them know that we wanted that little pair. HOORAY! There were tears, but only ones that I could see through to type because I wasn’t going to let a second pass. I e-mailed our case worker and held my breath until she replied that she was delighted and yes, they were still available. Oh, I knew they would be because I knew they were ours, but so nice to hear all the same.
One thing that was heavy on our minds during our consideration process was the financial aspect. We knew that our God is our source and our provider. We also knew that the money spent to adopt one or two children could help many. Adoption is not the answer to the problem of extreme poverty. Adoption is only a tiny part of the big answer, but for the chidren already in orphanages it is the only answer. Still, we believe STRONGLY that while all followers of Jesus are called on to pour ourselves out on behalf of the widow, the orphan, and the extreme poor, we are not all called to adopt. We wrestled with this. If we just gave the money…we would help so many. In our case, we felt firmly impressed that by adopting we would actually give more to the cause than if we just gave. Not only had God placed the desire to parent these two children on our hearts, but he had planned that their little presence would stir something in others. Also, by bringing home these little ones and them becoming part of us we are permanently tied to the others who will never come home. We can’t forget, we can’t turn away. It is personal now. What if we hadn’t gone to get them? It motivates us to continue to work toward ending the poverty and sickness that leads to the need for adoption.
For us, Known To Me is our effort to come to the aid of those kids that we believe are ours, our responsibility, but beyond our power to bring home. I saw them, felt their hurt and need for love and family… and left them behind. While in Africa, I saw poverty of a scope and magnitude that I was completely unprepared for. In spite of my research and attempt at awareness, I had completely underestimated it. I also saw the beauty of a culture that values relationships over things, generosity over greed, and kindness over selfishness. We can also build a community here that reflects the best of the culture I saw there. Our hope is that relationships, generosity, and kindness become hallmarks of our group.
And so, here we are…
