So I have been grappling again, and not with Jim.  He knows that every time he asks me if I want him to show me something new from class the answer is, “NO!”.  When God starts working on me though with a question I have to wrestle through, there is really no point in pretending anymore that the answer can be anything, but “Yes.”.  So yes, I will work this one through, and probably come up with more questions than answers. 

I have been reading some blogs advocating for the special needs children in Eastern Europe who, if not adopted, are transferred to an adult mental institution around the age of 5.  This is not a transfer that involves a sunny family style ward where the children are educated and loved, but rather a dark horrible place where their life is spent in a crib that amounts to little more than a cage.  They are very much neglected and abused.  Hard to know isn’t it?  Hard to imagine even, but undeniably true.

http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/02/power-of-one.html

So, WHY DON’T I ACT? I can see their little faces anytime I choose to look. (http://reecesrainbow.org/) I know it is true. I hate that it is happening in this world, and yet I do little or nothing.  This is where the wrestling comes in.  I want to know what the barriers are to action.  So I began to think what would happen if I took my kids to our favorite park.  As we walk up we see that there is a group of preschoolers with Down Syndrome and other disabilities.  Interested in what is going on, we take a closer look and are astounded to see a sign that says that these children must be adopted today or they will spend their lives in the conditions I described above.  How many of us would walk away?  I choose to believe that 90% of the people I know would only regret that they could only carry one or two of those babies out of there.  When I got home I would have to explain to our families and friends how we came to have a newly adopted special needs child.  They would ask me questions about how I would manage with our already busy lives and I would answer, “I don’t know yet, BUT I COULDN’T LEAVE HIM/HER THERE.”.  Again, I choose to believe that most of our loved ones would just nod in shocked agreement.  Now obviously for the sake of this argument we have to put all legalities and adoption ethics aside.  This is just a scenario for the sake of getting down to the bottom line.

This brings me to the question, Why does the child’s location really change things to the point that I can for the most part remain paralyzed?  I am still aware of a child who will go to a mental institution if I don’t act.  Here is my list:  I know after adopting our 5 kiddos that the adoption process is hard.  Especially here in Illinois where they look down on large families.  I am also a little overwhelmed by the money, after all we will be putting the 8 we have through college before we know it.  Then there is the travel.  Airplanes kind of scare me, and to be totally frank, Eastern Europe really scares me.  I don’t actually want to go there.  Also, there are days when I would like nothing more than to have children in my home forever, and then there are days when I am counting out the years until little man is twenty-one.  When I read this list I want to throw up.  Does it really come down to trading my list of whinny excuses for a child’s life in a cage in an institution.  REALLY?  There is no excuse on the planet that would matter to me if one of these children was actually in front of me…Not one!  And I wouldn’t be asking myself what Jesus would do, either because…DUH!

On to more questions.  In spite of what it sounds like, I don’t think everyone should go out and adopt a child with special needs from Eastern Europe.  The reality is that a few of us are going to be called to remote parts of the world to minister to unreached people groups.  A few are to go into the inner city and take on ministries so complex and demanding that we couldn’t safely care for a special needs child. These are just a few of the possible examples. Let’s also be real about the fact that some are not at a point of depending so fully on God’s capacity by the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of us to make us able to do something as demanding as care for a child with challenges, forever.  BUT CHURCH, are there really so few?  Can that be true?  If not us, WHO? Aren’t we just like the worshipers who turned up the organ music to drown out the sound of the trains full of Jewish captives rattling by on Sunday morning?

So, I wrestle.  I am not announcing an adoption here as our answer is always “No, until it is yes.”  I am just letting you in on what is going on in my heart and head, these days.  I do have more questions than answers.

You might be disappointed that this is not a political rant.  Freedom and liberty truly can be suppressed by government power, but true freedom cannot be denied unless we deny it to ourselves.  I’ve been thinking about two lines from different songs the past few days:

“...it’s going to cost us everything to follow one Lord and King… to be free.” - Josh Garrells

“There’s something liberating death alone brings. There’s something funny about a lot of sad things. There’s something wonderful about love” - The Choir

In another song, The Choir pleads with us to “shake off those golden shackles”.  Freedom.  Dying to ourselves, dying to our desires, our goals, our physical needs, our fears… that’s real freedom.  Putting others first, truly abandoning ourselves and all that we feel we own, are owed, want, or need.  It’s going to cost us everything to be truly be free.

That’s how God set it up.  That whole first will be last and last will be first thing?  That’s not just some clouds in the sky pearly gates type of thing… that’s for the here and now also.  Freedom.  Liberty.  Joy.  We’ll find it when we pursue Him and His ideals, giving all we have and trusting Him entirely.

Victory… real, true, meaningful victory:

Now thanks be to God who always leads us in triumph in Christ…
2 Cor 2:14

I’m always cautious about taking snippets of scripture because it is so easy to take it out of context.  But that little piece above seems to ring true to me both in context and as an axiom of my faith.  So where do we go with that?  Following closely on the heels of the fragment above:

But we have this treasure in earthen vessels, that the excellence of the power may be of God and not of us.  We are hard-pressed on every side, yet not crushed; we are perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed - always carrying about in the body the dying of the Lord Jesus, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our body. For we who live are always delivered to death for Jesus’ sake, that the life of Jesus also may be manifested in our mortal flesh. So then death is working in us, but life in you.

And since we have the same spirit of faith, according to what is written, “I believed and therefore I spoke,”we also believe and therefore speak, knowing that He who raised up the Lord Jesus will also raise us up with Jesus, and will present us with you. For all things are for your sakes, that grace, having spread through the many, may cause thanksgiving to abound to the glory of God.
2 Cor 4:7-15

Contradiction in these verses?  I think not.  In fact, I think I learn more from scripture by fitting together seemingly inconsistent verses and figuring out how both can be true than by piling up verses that are obviously consistent with one another.

I believe with all my heart and being that I will ALWAYS triumph in Christ.  The problem is that we want to define triumph by earthly/societal/human/temporary definitions.  When we define triumph in Christ in ways that really matter - eternal ways, consistent with God’s kingdom and plan, we can be: hard-pressed on every side, perplexed, persecuted, struck down… and be victorious.  Why?  God’s ways are not our ways.  The first will be last, the wisdom of God is foolishness to the world… right?  So when we focus on our temporary and human battles, we are often seriously NOT victorious per Paul’s description in verse 4.

But eternally, God’s plan will not be thwarted.  We have eternal grace, and carry in our bodies the dying of Jesus that we may also carry His life.  We are assured of victory in EVERYthing that is of eternal importance.  That brings the peace that Paul speaks of even in the difficult situations he describes.  I mean, really… given the incredible gift of grace and love that we have received, these temporary human concerns need not disturb us. 

Since the old adage “don’t judge a book by it’s cover” carries some wisdom, I’ll refrain from doing that.  But I have had a good discussion with a friend this week about a statement (the title) on the cover of a book by a well-know Religious leader.  Here it is: “How YOU call it is how it WILL BE.”  (Emphasis in the original, not my embellishment.)

So, the content of the book may be great, but the title really disturbed me.  It certainly made me think, and that is good.  I’m not going to criticize the book because I have not read it.  But the statement made by the title is worth discussion.  Isn’t God in control?  Shouldn’t WE serve HIM instead of thinking (or demanding) HE serves US?  Even if we really were omnipotent as this title implies, would any of us really benefit from that power?  I’m personally much more comfortable and happy with a philosophy of “How GOD calls it is how it WILL BE”.

I’m not trying to sell us short, it’s just that our human nature tries to rear its head all too often, and I know I often want things that are not God’s will.  Unfortunately, I typically don’t know that until well after the fact.  If I could call down whatever I want for my life, I would have ruined it many times over.

Come on, people… let’s get our hearts right.  Is this life about us and our desires, or is it about God and His?  Let’s make a commitment to serve Him.  To steal a great quote; “Ask not what God can do for you, but ask what you can do for God”.  That’s where we’ll find real prosperity and blessing.  Anything less sells everyone, including us, short of God’s plan.