So I have been grappling again, and not with Jim.  He knows that every time he asks me if I want him to show me something new from class the answer is, “NO!”.  When God starts working on me though with a question I have to wrestle through, there is really no point in pretending anymore that the answer can be anything, but “Yes.”.  So yes, I will work this one through, and probably come up with more questions than answers. 

I have been reading some blogs advocating for the special needs children in Eastern Europe who, if not adopted, are transferred to an adult mental institution around the age of 5.  This is not a transfer that involves a sunny family style ward where the children are educated and loved, but rather a dark horrible place where their life is spent in a crib that amounts to little more than a cage.  They are very much neglected and abused.  Hard to know isn’t it?  Hard to imagine even, but undeniably true.

http://www.nogreaterjoymom.com/2012/02/power-of-one.html

So, WHY DON’T I ACT? I can see their little faces anytime I choose to look. (http://reecesrainbow.org/) I know it is true. I hate that it is happening in this world, and yet I do little or nothing.  This is where the wrestling comes in.  I want to know what the barriers are to action.  So I began to think what would happen if I took my kids to our favorite park.  As we walk up we see that there is a group of preschoolers with Down Syndrome and other disabilities.  Interested in what is going on, we take a closer look and are astounded to see a sign that says that these children must be adopted today or they will spend their lives in the conditions I described above.  How many of us would walk away?  I choose to believe that 90% of the people I know would only regret that they could only carry one or two of those babies out of there.  When I got home I would have to explain to our families and friends how we came to have a newly adopted special needs child.  They would ask me questions about how I would manage with our already busy lives and I would answer, “I don’t know yet, BUT I COULDN’T LEAVE HIM/HER THERE.”.  Again, I choose to believe that most of our loved ones would just nod in shocked agreement.  Now obviously for the sake of this argument we have to put all legalities and adoption ethics aside.  This is just a scenario for the sake of getting down to the bottom line.

This brings me to the question, Why does the child’s location really change things to the point that I can for the most part remain paralyzed?  I am still aware of a child who will go to a mental institution if I don’t act.  Here is my list:  I know after adopting our 5 kiddos that the adoption process is hard.  Especially here in Illinois where they look down on large families.  I am also a little overwhelmed by the money, after all we will be putting the 8 we have through college before we know it.  Then there is the travel.  Airplanes kind of scare me, and to be totally frank, Eastern Europe really scares me.  I don’t actually want to go there.  Also, there are days when I would like nothing more than to have children in my home forever, and then there are days when I am counting out the years until little man is twenty-one.  When I read this list I want to throw up.  Does it really come down to trading my list of whinny excuses for a child’s life in a cage in an institution.  REALLY?  There is no excuse on the planet that would matter to me if one of these children was actually in front of me…Not one!  And I wouldn’t be asking myself what Jesus would do, either because…DUH!

On to more questions.  In spite of what it sounds like, I don’t think everyone should go out and adopt a child with special needs from Eastern Europe.  The reality is that a few of us are going to be called to remote parts of the world to minister to unreached people groups.  A few are to go into the inner city and take on ministries so complex and demanding that we couldn’t safely care for a special needs child. These are just a few of the possible examples. Let’s also be real about the fact that some are not at a point of depending so fully on God’s capacity by the power of the Holy Spirit dwelling inside of us to make us able to do something as demanding as care for a child with challenges, forever.  BUT CHURCH, are there really so few?  Can that be true?  If not us, WHO? Aren’t we just like the worshipers who turned up the organ music to drown out the sound of the trains full of Jewish captives rattling by on Sunday morning?

So, I wrestle.  I am not announcing an adoption here as our answer is always “No, until it is yes.”  I am just letting you in on what is going on in my heart and head, these days.  I do have more questions than answers.