I gave some thought about whether or not this is an appropriate venue for personal family news (actually about 3 seconds of thought), and I decided that it is a perfect venue. We are trying to build more than a website, trying to raise more than funds. The goal is community, a deep commitment to each other and to others outside our community. We need to get to know each other better.
Our news is that we passed court in Ethiopia yesterday, and are now parents of three more kids, bringing the total count to eight. There is so much to tell about how we got here, so many ways our adoptions have changed, challenged, and blessed us that this will fall far short. These three are siblings, and had been waiting for a family for some time since it is difficult to find families for older sibling groups. Jenny met them at the orphanage when she went to meet and bring home our first two adopted children. Her heart felt an immediate “recognition” of the 12 year old boy in this group when she met him, and came home committed to find him a home. We discovered that he had two siblings, one an older girl who stood out partially for her age but mostly for her gentle, quiet, yet confident manner. We thought doors might be able to open for friends to adopt them, but those options did not work out.
I remember the moment when I knew they were ours very clearly. We were in church, and Jenny gave a prayer request for a home for them, and broke into tears when she recounted how we had learned from our adopted 6 year old that the oldest girl had taught her about Jesus and prayed with her and was a comfort to her in hard times. Immediately, I was overwhelmed with a certain knowledge that these kids were ours. Not a desire to do a good thing for them, not a hope that it could work, not an obligation… I have never known anything with more finality or certainty in all my life. And it happened in an instant. It was powerful and emotional, yet calm and peaceful at the same time.
After that, the process was long and at times “uncertain”. Illinois is reluctant to approve large adopted families for additional kids, another family became interested in these three (and we had peace that what we really wanted for them was a home so we were not unsettled when it seemed the agency would place them there). But they were ours. And now the “official” acknowledgement of that is complete.
International adoption must be undertaken with great care, especially when “demand” for healthy infants is strong (I would be remiss if I did not note that “demand” for older kids, sibling groups, and special needs kids is never strong enough). There are abuses of the system, there is grief and loss in separation from family and culture. Autonomy, equality, and elimination of the poverty that creates orphans and prevents people from caring for orphans within their own culture is the best long-term solution - far better to eliminate the need than to meet the need. But for the kids who need families, who are lacking that love, commitment, and connection - adoption is the only answer. We cannont abandon them. God’s word is so clear on this point. He demands that we care for the poor - both intact families that are at risk, and orphans for whom that window to help has passed. You don’t need to adopt. You do need to give to the point of some level of personal sacrifice. That’s a strong statement, but I’ll stand by it. If you are offended by my presumption to know what you must do, read the Word and tell me how you come to any other conclusion.
Thanks for listening to my ramblings… we are excited, and will soon be making real preparations for travel. We have options for what that travel will look like and I am, frankly, struggling with the decision of who will go to Ethiopia this time. I am still seeking a “moment” like the one I described earlier, but it is not always that easy. We apprecaite your prayers and support.
Posted by Jim at 08:25 AM. Filed under: Adoption • Jim's Existential Ramblings •
